| This might be genetic |
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| 03:07am 23/11/2009 |
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I am tired of not being able to sleep right. I get sleepy then I remain tired, but can't sleep even though my body is exhausted. When I do sleep I wake up several times during the night.
I want to try melatonin, but I think I may end up dependent on it to be able to sleep in the future due to my body not producing its own melatonin. |
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Diagnosis |
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| Been ignoring my lj lately |
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| 03:07pm 13/11/2009 |
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It's been a pretty cool last couple of weeks. I got two new pairs of glasses and Adam got married on Halloween. Everybody got drunk and did karaoke, even the BK got up and sang as a whole. We all crashed at the newlyweds house and drank all night till the early hours of the morning. John locked his keys in the car and we spent so much time playing Tekken 6 and the last 30 minutes were spent trying to open his car door followed by a victory drink. My last beer was on Nov 1.
One of my pairs of glasses is already broken, I broke them at the Dir en grey concert because I assaulted everyone in front of me during Obscure. They didn't have a great performance this time, and I can honestly say that I absolutely LOATHE and DESPISE Dir en grey fans. They are all whiny 13-17 shits that don't want to be pushed at a metal concert. Some girl in front of me got shushed because she yelled during a song. I told the bitch that did the shushing to go listen to them at home if she didn't want people yelling. I did have a fun time with Jesus, my sister and Chan.
Anyway enough about my Dir en grey experience. Here is what everybody wants to see. My broken $130 frames:
It doesn't look that bad.
Now, I realized not too long ago that I have lost track of how many acid trips I have gone through. I have been spending so much money on that, in the end it always reminds me of why I want to be in the medical field. There is something just so bittersweet about LSD, anyway I won't be touching that for a while; school is my main objective. |
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Diagnosis |
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| The game of (real) life |
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| 12:15am 14/10/2009 |
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I have been typing on and off in this journal since I was like 15 or 16.
Last two times I drank were crazy:
I drank at Jeff's house with John and Nous. Jeff got drunk and set his porch on fire with gasoline. He burnt a log for a few hours in the same area and the fire burnt through his porch, he almost obliterated John's crotch with gasoline cause he almost spilled it on him.
Time after that, the BK got together to drink at Adam's house. We had wine, hookah and a few 40s. John ended up missing for hours and I was left to drink by myself cause everyone fell asleep. John was wasted and he ran out of gas, luckily he wasn't arrested by the cops that pulled him over and helped him push his car to a gas station. I ended up blacking out by myself watching Wizards of Waverly Place and calling people about John's whereabouts. Gustavo got sent home for being too drunk at work.
( That being said ) |
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Diagnosis |
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| SUCCESS! |
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| 02:08pm 01/10/2009 |
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ES-YOU-SEE-SEE-EE-ESS-ESS THAT'S THE WAY YOU SPELL SUCCESS!
I have enough money for school! Well I still owe John and Paul about $100. I also need a new pair of glasses. That will set me back a good $300, but next check for sure.
This is no longer a dream or fantasy.
I will go to school.
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2 Patients - Diagnosis |
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| Same face |
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| 02:13pm 11/09/2009 |
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I saw Tessie's face yesterday. Ever since she smiled she looks disfigured. |
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Diagnosis |
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| More people from work |
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| 11:19pm 07/09/2009 |
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music: Stonesour - Tumult
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Going back to three weeks ago during my Wal-Mart orientation I saw a girl there. Not that there was anything special about this girl in particular. She was cute I suppose, but not in the sense of me finding her attractive.
Anyway, I have seen her around the store from time to time. Her name is Tessie. She walks around looking very depressed; it looks cute.
Today I saw Tessie smile.
That was quite possibly the most disgustingly grotesque face I have ever seen anyone make. I could sit here and think up of every possible synonym for the word "ugly" to describe the way her face looked like at the moment smiled and I still wouldn't have enough words to describe that horrendous face.
Tessie should look lifeless and depressed more often, that will please my eyes better than her smile. |
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Diagnosis |
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| Meeting people at work |
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| 11:48pm 03/09/2009 |
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mood: giggly music: Cowboy Bebop OST 4 - Chicken bone
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Yeah so I have started talking to some of my co-workers during my lunch and while I walk around the store doing nothing.
Wal-Mart employees are pretty damn boring and weird. Except Rey's brother, he is cool cause he isn't a pain in the ass to talk to and he isn't nosy.
I did meet some guy named Bobby, he is really nice and has many jokes and puns; he is quite witty and always has a smile on his face. Because of the way my mind works though, I imagine that is his Wal-Mart persona. I imagine that he is a raging alcoholic and he sits in front of his television each night by himself watching infomercials and crying out loud all while drinking a bottle of McCormick.
I also believe that he owns a gun of some kind, however he works at Wal-Mart, so all of his pay goes to paying his bills and he can't afford to buy the bullets that he desperately needs to kill himself. |
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1 Patient - Diagnosis |
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| I am calm right now |
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| 11:59pm 30/08/2009 |
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mood: calm music: The pillows - She is perfect
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I don't like being calm of mellow, I think it's a big waste of time. I do realize that the human body needs to rest, but moments of relaxation are hardly fun at all.
It seems that I have been getting into these weird mood swings lately, as usual though my emotional lifespan is about 1-10 minutes.
Damnit, life is too damn uneventful. That is exactly why I don't like being calm. I like being with my friends, even though we do nothing sometimes we always have something to joke about. THat being said, it brings me to my next point: I don't like meeting new people. They are awful and weird by my standards, I suppose that I am weird by their standards too.
I like to think that all my friends are intelligent in some way, or if they are not then they are at least really cool to be around. Even though all my friends are intelligent I know that we have very little common sense and we get involved with whatever seems to be happening around at the moment. We drink extremely irresponsibly, but it's strange...
This is weird for me to think about.
If I had not gotten drunk with Jake at Oni-con in 2006:
I would not have talked to Tanya
I would not have mentioned getting drunk and talking to some people to Jake
I would have not continued going to Jaime's house and spoken to Jake
I would have gone to A-fest in 2007 but probably not talked to either Jake or Tanya
Which in turn I would have not realized that Tanya knew Jake and that I was trashed when I met Tanya two years prior, but had completely forgotten about it until Jake brought it up
Finally I would have not gone to Dallas and met Fate, Des, Light and Dark
-That written up there was a fucking trip, much so, I am starting to feel something inside; it feels good.
I suppose some acts of irresponsibility, are not bad after all.
Really, I like the people I talk to. With them I can be me without being weird or excluded from everything. Kinda like how John, Gus, and Jeff are really used to me playing Selena Gomez; I think they got used to it so it's nothing out of the ordinary.
I am starting to feel something else, I don't want to think about what that is. |
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Diagnosis |
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| I am job |
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| 08:38pm 14/08/2009 |
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mood: determined music: Magical - Selena Gomez
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Yup.
Did I mention I have absolutely no clue what is going on? I don't intend on doing this much longer, but I took about four unscheduled breaks.
The pay is awful, my department is VERY hot and they keep moving me throughout the store; despite all this my spirits are very high. I enjoy going to work, I always go in with a huge smile cause I just played some Selena Gomez in the car.
I know it's weird for me to be listening to Teen Disney songs, but Selena Gomez really lifts my spirits, and also it makes me have some unrealistic fantasies that wake me up completely and make me more productive.
I can't wait till I start saving my money. I am gonna be going to school, pay back John and Paul, and upgrade my computer. I don't think anything will get in my way this time.
Damn I talk waaaaaaaay too much about Selena Gomez. Btw won the Teen Choice awards and as a result Jesus and I blacked out at my house. I showed up really drunk to my first day of work.
No, it's not just Selena Gomez that does this. I like the music I listen to and drink to cause they give me powers. Suddenly things that are hard to accomplish become easier to do and become realities.
I hope I can make enough money to move out. MMMMMMMM! ^_____________^ |
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Diagnosis |
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| BOOM SHAKA LAKA! |
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| 08:57pm 07/08/2009 |
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My parents will be back from Mexico in a few days. Shit man I really wanted to take some drugs, I failed at drugs; couldn't find any psychedelics. I ended up drinking, and as a matter of fact I have been drinking for more than a week now, but this time I have kept it a bit more responsible than other times; the house was still a mess though.
I was a bit irritated for like an hour cause the house was messed up, and I thought that John was gonna destroy my couch at one point. For whatever reason Jesus wanted Pepe to kiss him...
Anyway, I GOT A JOB!
I am not too happy with the job, but at least it's an opportunity. I can finally get my life back together now.
I thought about moving in with John and Jeff, and I guess whoever else was in on this. It seemed like a good idea at first, but now it doesn't and that's just because I know that I will not be making enough money.
I can at least focus on the things I need and want to do.
Pay John back
Pay Paul back
Money for school
New wardrobe for myself, this time I think I know what kind of look I want
Hmmmm, this entry is being typed up really erratically. Well, hmmm I have been thinking of some creative shit; I think I should start drawing. My dreams are really vivid and I have been seeing some CRAZY things in there recently.
Fields with no skies overlooking an upside down field over it,
Incomplete humanoid life-forms being held together with leaves or ashes,
People with strange bodily functions and movements; these are usually really graphic and violent in nature.
I can't quite describe the things I see, it's almost as if I am in another dimension when I dream these things. I suppose it's because I use all my senses when I dream.
I don't feel like drawing though, so meh. I'll do whatever I feel like doing. |
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Diagnosis |
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| Bah, whatever |
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| 10:29pm 27/07/2009 |
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mood: indescribable music: Selena Gomez - Something I don't know
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Today was mostly a shitty day.
Woke up sick, didn't go to community service. I am done with the minimum for this month anyway.
Got electrocuted, got a mild electrical burn.
I got in a stupid argument with my dad, it was one of those things where he shouldn't have snapped, but he did anyway. It all ended with him talking a lot of shit and I ended it all with a witty yet truthful statement about his shit talking.
I shouldn't have said anything, I kind of feel bad about it. He shouldn't have been talking shit in the fucking first place. Everything would have been better if I had just said nothing I suppose, but there was no winning on either side on that argument.
All of this dumb feeling bullshit gives a me a bit of a dose of reality when it comes to something.
( *DRUMROLL* ) |
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1 Patient - Diagnosis |
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| FUCK THE COURT I GOT A WARRANT! |
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| 08:26pm 24/07/2009 |
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Alright I am in an okay mood cause I just finished watching Wizards of Waverly Place, but that mood might change during this shit blog.
I got back from fucking community service today to discover that the Pasadena court called my house saying they got a fucking warrant out for my arrest. They said I sisn't pay for something, so I am thinking I had no active tickets (except for the shit I got right now) and I am doing community service.
So I called the Pasadena shit court of stupid bastards to ask about my stupid ass warrant. Then, as usual the stupid bitch that was supposed to pick up the damn phone for stupid bitches didn't pick up the phone.
So I sat there, trying to comprehend this the best I could. Here is a real life picture of me comprehending:
Alas, I was too concerned with revenge so, I told John and Jeff about it. John said that there was probably a misunderstanding.
How could this be possible? I had both my tickets turned into one fucking case!
AND I HAVE PROOF!!
SEE!?!? YOU SEE THEM!! TWO DIFFERENT CASE NUMBERS SEPARATED BY A COMMA, I KNOW YOU SEE IT!!
EVEN THIS GUY SEES IT!!!
Fuck, I am tired of this shit. How about I make the misunderstanding that big rocks are not supposed to be thrown at the judge's car? Or how about I misunderstand my machete to every fucking person's tires on my revenge list? Yeah that includes the judge, fucking puto.
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Diagnosis |
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| Aww man, what the fuck |
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| 12:16am 23/07/2009 |
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I just had this kick ass energy surge that made me feel as if I could end the world with the snap of my fingers. Now it's gone...
I definitely feel like a loser right now, but not in a depressive way.
Anyway, I know I can get out of this funk right away. I just need to be inspired somehow, which isn't hard cause I can easily get carried away with things.
Actually I don't think I should engage in that now, I have community service tomorrow and I want to get that shit done ASAP, and if I energy surge now I won't be able to sleep for hours. Well at least I have some control over it.
( NOW HERE IS MY REAL ENTRY ) |
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2 Patients - Diagnosis |
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| 05:52pm 04/07/2009 |
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Aside from the pride parade downtown the month of June was quite possibly the worst month I have had in my 22 years of being alive.
Pros:
Pride
Gustavo's birthday
Cons:
Broken glasses
Unemployment
No money
Transformers
Jail time for a PI when I wasn't drunk
$275 fine for a PI
Car crash
Scraped up the bottom of the car as soon as it came back from the shop
( omgwtfgtfolol ) |
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Diagnosis |
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| Vehicular scuffle |
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| 07:00pm 19/06/2009 |
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music: Bee Gees - Stayin' alive 12' Promo version
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I was hit by a car the other day. The front left part of my car (not really my car, but I'll use that term) was hit by a larger vehicle.
I remember I was thinking to myself "crap". Then I used my cell phone to copy the license plate number of the other vehicle. I then sat in the car and waited for the song that was playing to finish, then I proceeded to sending John a text message and I told him what happened.
So for a while I just stayed sitting in the car, I then thought I had stayed in the car a sufficient amount of time. I looked at the car then I sent Jesus a text message about what happened. I figured the cops were going to get there anyway, so I didn't freak out.
Nothing important happened after that. I called my parents and told them what happened; as usual my mom was freaking out and she kept blaming me for everything, my dad just stood there as usual.
( Obligatory lj cut ) |
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Diagnosis |
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| Damn life |
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| 11:05pm 13/06/2009 |
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music: Immortal Technique - Industrial Revolution Ft. Dj RocR
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Well I don't know where to start since there is no beginning to this.
First off, I just got out of jail not too long ago. I went in for a PI (yet again), but this time I wasn't alone; Jeff and John were there with me. I think I am mad at Jeff, but only because I think I should be mad. Every time we drink at my house he breaks something, and this time I was sober and since I was with him, I went to jail with him. Jail is funner with friends, though, it is not a place I want to keep visiting. I am tired of all the stupid behavior, like peeing in rooms that are not a restroom, I have made a habit at doing that once I black out.
All this is costing me $275, and that is money I don't have. So I am going to have to go back to jail again in the future.
I can't even listen to music without wanting to drink myself into a stupor, I know I can stop, I just can't believe that It took me like 5 or 6 jail visits for me to realize public intoxication isn't worth it (unless you are in Las Vegas).
I decided to slow it down for good this time, and that's because alcohol can become a habit; but mainly it's because you can get a sentence up to 4 days for a PI, it's no longer 8 hours in the drunk tank and a slap on the wrist.
I still keep thinking that this is the "new year", but the new year is long gone. I have made a couple of changes in my life already, though it hasn't worked out I know I am making the right decisions.
I have decided I want to be successful, and looking at the last couple of interviews I have had, I can honestly say I am on my way. All I need is to get past the hard part.
Right now I am looking at a job selling life insurance, there is serious money in that. Judging from my character I realized that you just have to be comfortable no matter where you are and things will work out. I need $270 dollars to get my license, I don't know how I am gonna get that money; but I know I will make A LOT more money on my first week working there.
I started selling my bodily fluids, I don't care about saving a life. I just want money.
I am gonna be successful one day, I know I can. |
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Diagnosis |
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| Damn for real |
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| 12:05am 07/06/2009 |
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mood: Hungover music: Despair's Ray - Reddish (Diva Version)
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Life in general is really, pointless. Except for the little parts where you don't have to worry about responsibility.
Every day that goes by that I am unemployed I just become just that much more of a loser.
Well, I have a plan. Well a couple of plans, I just have to put them into action. Where do I begin though?
I realize that all creatures are habitual, so seeing as how what I have done so far has not made me successful I am going to make a few adjustments. Before I get started on any of this I need confidence, I need to become a man. A man's man. A man's, man's, man's, man.
I am gonna start off with Marlon Brando, but I want more confidence than Marlon Brando. I want the confidence of Marlon Brando on PCP. Except I won't be taking any PCP.
That's phase one of my plan. |
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Diagnosis |
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| Taking turns acting retarded |
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| 11:06pm 28/05/2009 |
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Man, what the fuck is it about going to Giovanni's place that makes people get really fucked up and retarded?
I have NEVER been sober at his house EVER.
Back when he used to live in his apartment; we used to go, get drunk play games and we were pretty much quiet. Now that he is in his house all we ever do when we go is get wasted and act so fucking stupid.
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Joose made things worse because it has all this crap that makes you hyper, so you are a hyperactive drunk. For whatever reason we all ended up standing in a circle and tap dancing in his living room.
And Jeff, Jeff always ends up with his pants down. John keeps calling Cedelah when he blacks out and leaves her messages like "FUCK YOU!". I didn't think Adam would be up for doing the crap we do, I was so wrong; his girlfriend Ashley is really cool about it too.
ARGH! WHY DOES GOING INTO A DRUNKEN STUPOR HAVE TO BE SO FUN!
I can't wait to see what dumbass thing we are gonna do next, just as long as I don't get in trouble with the law. It's cool though because I haven't done anything illegal in more than a year. |
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1 Patient - Diagnosis |
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0142397's journal